who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
