I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
