this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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