Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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