Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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