She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
