I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
