we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
