Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
