Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
