words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
