Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
