he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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