Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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