we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
