oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fuck appropriateness.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
