my mouth tastes like poor choices
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
