i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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