sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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