Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
