I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
