OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
