I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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