Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
