We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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