Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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