My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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