we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is wine microwaveable?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
