WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
