i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
