so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
