Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
