I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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