i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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