So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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