I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
