Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
