Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
