So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
