I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
