she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Drunk is a universal language darling
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