I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
