Porn is love you can see.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
