Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
