Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
