I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
