fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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