Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Two words: blizzard sex
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