I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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