is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
wanna go halves on a baby?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
