69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
zippers are such a cool invention
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
