i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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