I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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