He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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