I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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