The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
