Where did you get a picture of my penis
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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