Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
